It was a Saturday morning. We camped out at Buffalo Pound Provincial Park in Saskatchewan. If you like rolling hills and prairie dogs, this is the place for you.

My alarm went off at 6:30 am, to wake us to get our day going and the vehicles back on the road to continue our drive to the mountains.

Often, but not always, parenting and motherhood, or general care taking and action taking often fall upon the mother/female. Why?

I have some theories… yet it doesn’t dissolve the chances of becoming upset at the males in your family.

On this particular morning, I became upset, or sad, pretty dang soon after just becoming awake.

After letting both of the boys (older one 36, my partner) and younger (7, my son) ) know that it was time to get up to hit the road again, not much happened.

Nobody said anything in terms of acknowledgement to me, or even looking at me in the eyes.

In the morning, I make an effort to be gentle to everyone. To say good morning, to ask how their sleep was, and if they had any dreams.

When you are being kind and gentle to people, but then not met with that too, it can cause one to develop a sense of “why the duck do I do this “ or “why do i bother”.

So I made a point to let the boys know how I was feeling, I then got up and out of the tent with all my gear.

After packing up my car with my things, I left Lou and Theo in the tent to do whatever they needed to do.

Knowing that I felt frustrated already, I opted to walk away and take some alone time in the morning sun. I let them know that I was going on a walk. No one objected or said anything, so I just walked.

I walked down the gravel road in the camp area, just down a few minutes to where there’s a big hill with downhill bike trails, complete with tons prairie dog holes, prairie dogs, and the rising light of the morning sun.

I walked to a spot by a tree that was not right in line with the bike trails, in case someone came barreling down the hill.

Taking in my new surroundings, feeling the sun on my body, I soon noticed a vehicle pull into the area down at the bottom of the hill where the gravel road is, that leads to where our camp site was.

Just a van pulling in, okay. No big deal.

But then it parked, right there in my line of sight.

This bothered me.

Im one of those people who likes to feel like I’m totally alone from time to time.

Especially if I’m out in a natural area.

All I want to feel is myself, being myself, with nature.

I don’t want any humans seeing me.

Some people may not understand this, or find it odd. And some, I believe will totally understand this.

Due to the van parking where it parked, and in relation to the potential of them seeing me or me seeing them, I had to relocate to a new spot. I wanted solace.

With the biking trails also being around me, it felt smart to relocate, to a spot that would be more out of the way of a potential bike rider coming down the hill.

I turned around, and honed in on a spot that was in a patch of sun, by another tree, out of the line of sight from that parked van, and away from the bike trails. I walked over to it.

Only a minute or 2 away from the first spot, upon arriving to my newly chosen spot, I noticed something.

All over the ground, in the specific area I wanted to stand upon, was a bunch of fur.

Right away my brain and my senses went into detective mode, or identification mode. Who’s fur was it?

It was not a dog.

Part of me was reluctant to believe it was not a dog, as there are a lot of humans around with this being a Provincial Park, and therefor a pet dog could have easily been brushed here…

Luckily I do know the difference between some general animal species and what their fur or hair is like in terms of color, texture, length, and general structure.

Mammals such as deer and moose have a type of fur or hairs that are hollow. They are not as fine as human hair, or hair like a weasel. (Some weasel fur is used for making high quality paint brushes such as Series Seven Brushes.)

It’s much more corse. Having looked at, touching, handling, and analyzing a lot of deer fur over the years and the odd moose hair, I knew that this fur I happened upon in my new spot, was almost exactly the same.

It was hollow, and straight, but irregularly strait, with a squiggly-like appearance.

(This is visible in the photograph at the bottom of this story).

The only difference, was the colour.

The general vibe or energetic imprint from this fur also had this sense of foreign-ness to me.

I am in a province I don’t know, Saskatchewan.

I am in a land, or environment that I am alien to.

This fur, was deffinetly not moose, due to the environment being much to dry, and that it was a lighter shade of brown. It could perhaps be deer… but this felt like it could be from a different animal.

I could be totally wrong, I’m still working to properly identify this fur, but my guess is with deer, or elk.

Overall, who’s fur it was or wasn’t, didn’t matter all that much. Identifying which specific animal this fur belonged to, is a fun extra opportunity for me.

What really mattered for me, was the felt sense that came over me upon finding the hair and knowing that it was most likely to be wild animal fur.

The felt sense that came over me in that moment, was, as the title of this story states: connection.

This fur, being in the one dang spot I chose to go to, all unfolding due to the corse of events occurring up to this moment, had so much meaning for me.

Tracking wild animals, and coming across mysteries in nature, whether it’s a new plant, an animal track, some animal scat or fur, is something that makes me feel alive. Tuned in, turned on, aware, awake, I feel like me!

It cultivates this sense of being in connection to the environment. That I am apart of it. Not separate, but an extension. Again, the best word I will use here for this feeling is connection.

After feeling so emotionally and mentally disconnected from my people, Theo and Lou, first thing in the morning, I did what I’ve done since I was a teenager. I went off to be alone in the natural world.

On some level I think I also was feeling disconnected from myself.

Being on the road, day after day, with 2 boys, in a car, not having a proper sleep, maybe eating a bit different, driving through places I don’t know, it’s a big experience.

I know I value my alone time to feel like myself.

I had alone time in the car when Lou rides in Theos truck, but it’s not the same as true alone time if you know what I mean…

So I suppose this was also an opportunity for me to come back to myself, and to self regulate! Going off for a small walk to cool off from my heightened frustration with the boys, granted more than I could have even wanted, or asked for.

From this sense of disconnection, I found connection.

Connection through what makes me feel like me.

Connection to the natural world, to Mother Earth.

Connection to something that is a way of life for me back in Guelph Ontario.

Being in nature at work, with friends, tracking, exploring.

But to be hours and days away from what used to be home, from the people and places I know and love, and to find that same felt sense of connection all of a sudden, and in the midst of feeling disconnected, that is special for me.

All of this all from a bunch of animal fur!

How wild and beautiful!

Notice the squiggly-ness of each hair. They are all strait, but still squiggly. Once I learn, find, or create a better term for this, I intend to share it here.

A day or so later, there was a problem with the truck, and we had to pull over in Alberta. Theo managed to find a local guy who would come out and get the truck running again. Turned out that this guy was not only a good mechanic but an avid hunter. We spoke about animals and hunting a bit, and I showed him this clump of fur. He said it looked like Mule Deer fur.